Then I think we at Nami Dearest can help you out!
Did you know that you can sell your children to psychiatry for approximately $700 a month per each labeled child? I know. I know…it sounds too good to be true. But it is entirely true!
So maybe you haven’t been a perfect parent. You’re only human, right? Here at Nami Dearest, we understand your dilemma. Many parents forget to feed the baby while shooting up. And yes, it is hard to change a diaper when you have to harvest your crops on Farmville. Those crops don’t wait for babies. We all know that. We know it’s tough to get along with the new boyfriend or spouse when you have a child and another baby daddy to deal with. Children…they just need and need and want and want. They’re moody and demanding and dependent. It’s enough to make you want to slap the crap out the little darlings, no?
Have no fear. Psychiatry can help with a wide array of labels and chemical straight-jackets. Putting vodka in the baby bottle is illegal, but you can get a doctor-approved alternative, such as liquid Risperdal…and you may even get a few bucks in your pocket while you’re at it. Don’t worry about bothersome side-effects. The FDA says it’s safe.
If you want to earn a few extra bucks to cover those acrylic nails or a few drinks out on the town once in awhile, don’t walk…RUN to the nearest psychiatrist and get your little monster evaluated today. A simple ADHD label and a prescription for Ritalin, Strattera or Focalin will have you on the way to Supplemental Security Income AND Medicaid in no time. Give your child a few weeks on the psychiatric meth, and then return for a follow up with the psychiatrist.
At this point, describe your child’s sleeplessness, incontinence, emotional volatility and hallucinations. Your child will then very likely qualify for the child bipolar label. This is exactly what you want. Okay? You will leave with a prescription for Clonidine and maybe some Depakote and some Seroquel or Abilify or Invega. Perfect. It’s official. Your child has a psychiatric brain illness that will follow a life-long course of disability, and as long as they live with you and/or you are the representative payee, you can cash in on that.
But won’t they examine my child first, via lab tests and brain imaging techniques, you ask?
No. There are no blood tests, genetic tests or brain imaging techniques to verify mental illness. Get your child labeled, and run on down to your nearest Social Security Administration office and malinger away! It’s the new American way in these tough economic times.