I love you Nami Dearest

Dale Milfay has tried everything to help her son Andre, everything except discussing his feelings with him while she was busy listening to President Bush give his State of the Union Address. Dale, like other NAMI mommies, knows that her son’s need to discuss his feelings is a symptom of his mental illness.

On January 10, 2007, Andre, who doesn’t have any say in what his mother tells the whole world about his personal struggles, had an “emotional outburst” and attacked his mother. What NAMI parents need are laws that force offspring with feelings to take medications which can prevent feelings. Feelings are such a nuisance, more than that…feelings are dangerous!

Dale Milfay could have allowed Andre the human comfort of addressing his feelings, but we wouldn’t want to reinforce healthy behaviors…uh…I mean symptoms of manic ragenow, would we?

No, of course not. If your child wishes to discuss his feelings, call the police immediately!

“Mommy loves you son, we’ll talk after I listen to our fascist leader.”

No “normal” person would be angered by this behavior from someone they need to speak with about something important (a person who theoretically “cares about” him). Yes, and the cops are on the way…

Andre hits his mom. She’s an annoying bitch, but it’s not okay to hit people, so this is a bad thing

“Ahhhhhh!!! Why are you attacking me son?”

Andre has just given the cops an actual reason to haul him away. Andre realizes this and splits the scene.

“Run for your life! Run! She wants to lock you away again!”

And on the television, President Bush declares, “We are engaged in a struggle that will determine the direction of the global war on terror — and our safety here at home…We go forward with trust that the Author of Liberty will guide us through these trying hours. Thank you and good night.”

– Intermission –


Andre’s mom is utterly validated in all her attitudes and actions by someone who also owns a camcorder. That person films her giving her version of this story with her self-satisfied air, and it reaches other callous relatives of people with psychiatric labels, who are also validated in their assholic attitudes and behaviors, which spread, virus-like…

~Some things are priceless. For everything else there’s meds.~

Posted in "bipolar disorder", biobabble, I love you NAMI Dearest, involuntary commitment, mental hygiene arrest, NAMI mommies, NAMI propaganda, psychiatric drugs as "treatment", scapegoating, shit-based practices, Torrey Stories | 7 Comments

7 Responses to I love you Nami Dearest

  1. NamiDearest says:

    You’re my hero, Dale Milfay!

  2. Becky Murphy says:

    This woman is sharing a story that is not just hers…I feel for her son who is probably traumatized by this disgusting attitude that it is ok to tell the intimate details of someone else’s life—without their consent.

  3. Mercedes says:

    I knew Andre. Actually on the night that this happened after he left his mom’s house he came to my job. Later on that night I sent him to a meeting. He called his mom after what happened and she did say she would talk AFTER the presidents address. He said who cares about the presidents address? To which she answered”he’s the president of the united states!” I just shook my head thinking “but this is your son, he’s in pain and reaching out.” all he ever wanted his mother to do was admit that she had emotionally abused him, the fact that she wouldn’t continually sent him over the edge.

    • Daughter of a Bitch says:

      Dale Milfay says in the video that Andre is not a violent person. She then went on to change her story dramatically from the above video testimony. He went from being “NOT a violent person” to being “often homicidal”. Lies enrage me too. Poor Andre.


      OPED Making a Commitment to Help the Mentally Ill
      San Francisco Chronicle
      October 2, 2007

      By C.W. Nevius

      Last January, Dale Milfay’s 32-year-old son, Andre, told her he wanted to talk about his feelings.

      She immediately called the police.

      Milfay, who says Andre is “manic, psychotic, paranoid and (often) homicidal,” knew what would follow when he wanted to discuss feelings – an uncontrollable outburst.

      “He threw me down on the floor in front of the fireplace and broke my glasses,” Milfay says. “When my husband rushed downstairs, he karate-kicked him. Then he got in his car and left before the police arrived.”

      Clearly, Andre Milfay needs help. He’s a danger to himself, to others, and his mother is genuinely afraid that he will kill her.

      And there’s nothing she can do about it.

      “It is an issue of civil liberty,” says Dr. Mitch Katz, director of the San Francisco Department of Public Health. “We (in this country) have decided that the benefit of the doubt belongs with the individual. The rules are very strict about locking someone up against their will.”

      This comes up because next Wednesday there will be a hearing before the budget and finance committee of the Board of Supervisors to discuss the cutting of some 20 acute care beds at San Francisco General Hospital. Those beds are used for severely mentally ill patients who are picked up by police and determined to need involuntary confinement.

      There are two points of view on this. Katz, although extremely sympathetic to the families of what he says is an estimated “37,000 persons with a severe mental illness,” says the cuts won’t make much difference. Another facility, the highly regarded Progress Foundation, will open its doors next year. The hope is that the center, which specializes in acclimating mentally ill to everyday life, will make up the difference for the beds eliminated at S.F. General.

      But Milfay, vice president of the local National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), disagrees. So does Officer Kevin Martin, vice president of the Police Officers Association.

      “I think it is a big deal,” Martin says, “because any time someone is being turned away, their only refuge is on the street.”

      To be fair, the Progressive Foundation will have beds. However, it is voluntary, meaning that if the patient doesn’t want to stay, he or she can leave. That’s entirely different from the confinement at S.F. General, where patients are supposed to spend at least 72 hours under psychiatric care.

      “My son cannot be voluntary,” says Milfay, who says Andre has been hospitalized over 35 times. “He won’t take his medications, he gets homicidal. Where does someone like my kid go? To be honest, he got better treatment in jail.”

      While the issue of the beds at S.F. General is important, there is a much larger issue. Across the country, and particularly in California, we need to take an honest look at the consequences of letting mentally ill people decide whether they want to accept treatment. Remember, in these cases their own parents are begging to have them confined to a safe, secure facility where they will have to take their medication and hopefully begin to find themselves. Leaving the choice up to them, as a consequence of patient rights movement, is a recipe for failure.

      “Think about it,” says Katz. “This is the only illness where the illness causes you not to take the treatment. It is the nature of the illness to say, ‘There is nothing wrong with me.’ ”

      So, under the current system, Milfay and her good friend Pamela Fischer, who is president of San Francisco’s NAMI chapter, must spend their lives dreading the next phone call as their children careen out of control. Fischer’s son, once a top student at the rigorous Phillips Academy in Andover, Mass., has lived on the streets in the Tenderloin, is addicted to crack cocaine, and cannot function in everyday life.

      “It’s taken over our lives,” says Fischer, who says NAMI’s San Francisco chapter has over 100 members, almost all of whom have family members with several mental issues. “It’s just ghastly.”

      The sad and upsetting part of this story is that everyone agrees that this is a terrible problem – one that not only puts families at risk, but the rest of us as well.

      Officer Martin, who walks a beat in downtown San Francisco, estimates that “six to seven out of 10 of our contacts have mental health issues.” The police have limited recourse, even in the most extreme cases. One thing they can do is file a 5150 under the California welfare and institution penal code, which is a “72-hour psychiatric hold.” But Martin says even that confinement is often “a pipe dream.”

      “There’s been times when I’ve 5150’d somebody,” he says, “and they’d be walking out when I was getting back into my patrol car.”

      The only certainty is that no one seems able to agree on what should be done. Suggestions range from community centers like Progressive Foundation to “tough love” facilities where patients have to toe the line or lose their bed.

      “They’ve taken the idea of tough love and hitting bottom and placed it on mental illness,” Milfay says. “My son has no bottom. The bottom is death.”

      There is one proposal that seems to make sense, but good luck getting support for it. Katz says “Laura’s Law allows forced outpatient treatment if someone has a repeated history of going off their meds.”

      The state law passed, but it was such a political hot button that counties were left on their own to come up with money to carry it out.

      So far, only one, Los Angeles, has funded Laura’s Law. Milfay and her fellow NAMI members are strong supporters of statewide funding legislation, even if they think it might take something dramatic to get the public’s attention.

      “If my son kills me,” she says. “I hope that law is passed.”

      CW Nevius is a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle.

  4. Emma Goldman says:

    This woman is a police provacateur. we knew who to handle such evildoers in my day,

  5. Darby says:

    The best thing for Andre would be to find another place to live instead of in the home of his abuser. The literature shows that 90%+ of people in the public mental health system are trauma survivors. This sounds like an illustrative example.

    • NamiDearest says:

      I’m sure that Dale had the foresight to have herself appointed the rep payee for Andre’s disability check. No wandering off for Andre!

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